Inside of Me
by xXxAnInspiredWriterxXx
Summary: There's drama brewing in New York. Santana's moved in and her behaviour isn't quite normal, Rachel has to make a few tough decisions that could change her life forever and Kurt is getting more and more stressed by the minute.
1. Prologue

Inside of Me

**Summary: There's drama brewing in New York. Santana's moved in and her behaviour isn't quite normal, Rachel has to make a few tough decisions that could change her life forever and Kurt is getting more and more stressed by the minute. **

**Note: I know I think it was in the Frenemies episode that they mentioned Santana didn't really have a bed but I'm going to make sure my baby girl does in this haha :)**

**P.S Who heard about Naya and Big Sean's break up? And she's back to black? And she's back on Glee? So much Naya news! Haha :) **

Prologue

"Get your fucking hands off of me!"

The screams echoed throughout the apartment and the nineteen year old girl attempted to get out of her friend's grasp by twisting her arm round and trying to kick him. She threw her head back and pursed her lips together, starting to get incredibly violent. Kurt almost felt scared but Rachel was at NYADA so he had no help whatsoever. He remained kneeling on the floor and his grip round Santana's arms tightened, knowing that she was close to running off. He couldn't even pull her in for a hug because of how she reacted to them.

"Okay have we finished now?" Kurt sighed, glancing up at the clock on the wall. Two hours had gone by and still there was no sign of Santana calming herself down. "Honey if you carry on then you are going to seriously hurt yourself so I suggest that you stop right now. Got it?"

"Let go of me." Santana was crying now, full on tears streaming down both sides of her face.

Kurt gently let go and Santana walked over to the corner of the living room and just sat down in it. Kurt sighed heavily and stood up, picking up the knife that Santana had quite clearly tried to stab him with. He gave it a quick rinse before placing it back into the kitchen drawer with the other knives. When he glanced into the living room, he noticed that Santana was still sitting in the corner and he decided that she was calm enough to talk to.

"So are you going to tell me what that little episode was all about?" Kurt questioned her but she shook her head and turned away from him. "Look at me," he soothed and sat down on the floor in front of her. "Listen, listen..." Santana began fidgeting, tears forming in her eyes again. "Stop crying and listen to me. You tried to stab me, I had no choice but to hold onto you like that. You left me no choice."

"Can you go away?" She asked, leaning back against the wall with her legs out. "When will Rachel be home?"

"Not for another four hours, she finishes late today," Kurt told her.

He had to admit that he felt sorry for her. It wasn't until she moved to New York that he and Rachel found out about her stepdad. None of them had known that she'd been abused by him for many years. Luckily, he got locked up but it had changed Santana's behaviour rapidly. She'd been bitchy in high school but nothing like she was in New York. She'd been lashing out, she'd been getting easily upset and her behaviour was actually violent and dangerous. What Kurt was more shocked about was that the abuse had started when she was only three years old and had become worst as she grew older.

"How about we watch a movie?" Kurt suggested and shrugged his shoulders.

"Depends," Santana sighed. "I don't want to watch a boring old musical and those are the main films that you and Rachel have."

"Not all musicals," Kurt chuckled. "We could shove a Harry Potter film on. I know we've both seen them all but you can never get enough of Harry Potter, right?"

"Sure," Santana whispered and shrugged her shoulders as well.

"Well come and sit on the couch with me then," Kurt said and stood up but Santana shook her head and remained in the corner. "Santana, you cannot stay there and watch the film. You won't be able to see much of it anyway."

"I'm fine here," Santana whispered and Kurt just nodded his head, making his way over to the couch. Kurt just slipped the very first Harry Potter film on and kept an eye on Santana. She remained in the corner until Rachel came home later that day.

**Just a short little prologue to see how people like the story. I hope you like it so far. Let me know what you think please. **


	2. Chapter One: NYC

**IlovesMesomeGlee: I wanna hug them too, love them both haha. Thanks for your lovely review :)**

**snowdrop1026: She does need therapy, I totally agree. Thanks for reviewing :)**

**Doodle91xxx: Thank you. I wasn't sure if they were different or not lol :)**

**Wausie: Will do :)**

**Alyss: You might have done. I can't remember writing it but I could have lol. Rachel is in this chapter :)**

**Guest: Be Okay will be updated soon! I absolutely love a bit of Kurt and Santana friendship hehe :)**

**I woke up this morning a happy person. Seeing that I had six lovely reviews on the first chapter of this story just made my day so thanks so much. Right now I am in the middle of looking for full time work so once I have one I won't be updating as much seeing as I'll be working five times a week. I'm also looking at taking an online course in counselling because I've decided I might want to be a counsellor when I'm older so wish me luck with that and thanks for reading and reviewing the story :)**

**If I can, I'm going to try and name all of my chapters after songs if I can so the first one is called "NYC" from the cast of Annie which Sue and Will sang in the "Opening Night" episode :) **

Chapter One: NYC

Kurt waited for himself to get buzzed in before pushing open the door and walking into the great hall of Vogue. Most people hated their jobs but not him. Even though he was an intern, he absolutely loved it. Fashion was something that he was extremely passionate about though and Isabelle was the best boss anybody could ever ask for. He let out a satistified sigh and headed up to his office where he passed Isabelle on the way.

"Hi Kurt, how are you this morning?" She asked him straight away.

"Good thanks," he answered with a smile. "And you?"

"I'm fine. How's your roommate...um...?" She asked and clicked her fingers, clearly trying to remember the name.

"Rachel?" Kurt finished for her.

"The other one," Isabelle mentioned. "The one who's just moved in?"

"Santana," Kurt said and Isabelle nodded, suddenly remembering the name. "Yeah um...she's fine, I guess. She still has moments, tried to stab me the other day and she's quite sensitive and just gets upset easily. It doesn't help either because she hates being comforted in anyway, Rachel and I don't really know what to do anymore but we're getting there."

"Have you got any support Kurt?" Isabelle asked him and leant against a random desk with her arms crossed. "And not for Santana, I mean for you."

Kurt shook his head. "I don't need any support, I'm fine."

"Well..." Isabelle whispered and smiled reassuringly at him. "I'm here if you need to talk. Santana seems pretty bad, especially as she tried to stab you. What do you do when she does that?"

"Just restrain her, I guess," he mumbled and shrugged his shoulders. "Hold onto her arms and um...I just try to stop her from hurting her or myself. It may take a while but she does eventually calm down in the end."

"Why don't you take the day off?" Isabelle asked him. "You deserve it, I think that you could do with a break."

"I can't do that," Kurt sighed. "Isabelle, I..."

"Take today off," Isabelle said. "We're not busy and like I said, you could do with a break alright?" Kurt nodded thankfully at her. "I will see you back here in three days? You can take a few days off."

He nodded and Isabelle gave him a quick hug before he left Vogue. He thought about going straight home but neither Santana nor Rachel were there so instead he headed off to 'The Spotlight Diner' for some breakfast. Santana was working and he hoped that she'd have time to maybe sit down and have breakfast with him. He walked into the diner and spotted Santana clearing away stuff from a table in the corner.

"Busy?" He asked, walking over to her.

"What the hell have I done wrong now?" She snapped, flicking her hair over her shoulder and holding a couple of empty dishes in her hands.

"Nothing," he laughed. "I just wondered if you wanted to have breakfast, Isabelle's allowed me to take the day off."

"I've already eaten," Santana sighed and walked away to put the dishes back. "You don't need to fucking keep an eye on me constantly, you know? I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself."

"Lopez!" A man's voice bellowed and Gunther made his way over. He was obviously angry. "That is not the way to speak to customers, do you hear me?"

"I know him Gunther, it's okay," Santana said and sat down on a bar stool. "This is Kurt, my idiot of a roommate."

"That's still not the way to talk to people," Gunther scolded. "What if other customers heard you? Just stop it!" Gunther then stormed off and Santana gave him the middle finger behind his back.

"Stop it," Kurt said and grabbed her hand. "He has a point, you know? You can't go around swearing at customers, can you?"

"Whose side are you on?" Santana scoffed and Kurt just rolled his eyes. "Why were you let off early anyway? Is Isabelle finally bored of that pale, baby, girl face of yours?"

"Are you going to insult me in every single sentence?" He asked. "I thought we were passed that when we'd finished school and she let me off early because she um...just thought that I needed a break that's all."

"Why?"

"Um...we've just had a few weeks of some heavy work and I've been working everyday and really hard to get everything finished," Kurt lied quickly. "Isabelle has seen my hard work and decided to reward me with a break. I'm exhausted so I'm grateful for that."

"Okay," Santana said, looking at him suspiciously. "Are you sure? Because you didn't seem so sure a minute ago."

Kurt looked to her confused. "No," he said. "Everything is fine. Why wouldn't it be?"

Santana shrugged her shoulders. "You just didn't sound so sure so I thought that you were hiding something, like you didn't want to tell me something."

"No, no of course not," Kurt said. "Now how about some food for me? Bacon sandwich?"

"Sure," Santana giggled. Kurt nodded and took a seat, waiting for Santana to arrive back with his sandwich. "So how long of a break do you have then?" She asked as she came back and placed the bacon sandwich in front of him.

"Well she said that she'll see me back in three days so I have a nice couple few days off luckily," he said, tucking into his breakfast.

"I have the next few days off as well," Santana mentioned. "So maybe we could do something just the two of us?"

"Yeah." Kurt smiled. "That will be nice, what would you like to do?"

"Just spend it at the apartment," Santana suggested. "And watch movies, I don't want to go out if that's okay. I best get back to work though so I'll see you later." Kurt nodded and continued to eat his breakfast whilst Santana got back to working.

* * *

"She asked if you have any support?" Rachel asked as she helped Kurt set the table that evening for dinner. Santana finished in an hour so Kurt took the alone time with Rachel as an opportunity to talk to her about what Isabelle had said.

He nodded.

"Maybe she's right," Rachel continued. "Santana is...well...she..."

"Are you planning on finishing this sentence?" Kurt joked and shook his head at her.

"She's dangerous," Rachel finished. "She slapped me the other day and for no reason, it really hurt as well and I'm lucky that my face hasn't come out in a bruise. She doesn't tend to hurt you as much, why?"

"She tried to stab me in case you have forgotten," Kurt reminded his roommate. "And I...I just deal with her, I guess. I hold her so she can't hurt anyone else and eventually she calms. I just...I try not to be scared of her Rachel and it helps."

"I'm not scared of her," Rachel lied, biting down on her lip nervously. "Um...Brody asked me out today by the way."

"Really?" Kurt looked completely shocked at her. "Aren't you still dating Finn?"

"He's in the army and isn't answering my calls," Rachel pointed out in a high pitched voice. "What do you expect me to do? Stay single forever? Besides, Brody's cute and he...he likes me so I said yes."

"Wow, I just didn't expect you to move on so soon," Kurt said but smiled kindly at her. "Well done though, it does sound like you really like him."

"I do," Rachel said. "So are going to get this support? I think that we could both do with it to be honest."

Kurt shook his head and sighed heavily. "No because _we_ don't need it. Santana however does. We'll see how she is for the next couple of weeks and um...go from there?"

"Sure," Rachel agreed. "I guess that sounds fair."

"Come on," Kurt encouraged and patted her back. "Let's just carry on setting the table before San comes home."

**I hope you liked the first proper chapter seeing as the first one was only a short prologue haha :) Not much of Rachel but as you can see Brody has asked her out and she's said yes. Don't worry, I hate Brody and he'll still be a jerk in this story lol. I hope you enjoyed it anyway so let me know what you think :)**


	3. Chapter Two: Hold On

**Doodle91xxx: Yeah and I love those three together as well, they're just brilliant friends :)**

**Wausie: I love Santana and Kurt friendship. I'm so glad that you think I'm doing a good job with it, it really means a lot :)**

**I won't post it yet guys as I have a few stories on the go but I'm in the middle of working on a New York story where Santana gets diagnosed with a mental illness. I'm still planning it but I have some bits written down already so I hope you'll like it when it's up :) **

Chapter Two: Hold On

Kurt could hear the screaming from outside. He shoved the door to their apartment open and walked straight in on Rachel being pinned up against the wall by Santana. The Latina was screeching at her and hitting her over and over and over. If he hadn't have rushed over and grabbed hold of Santana by her arms, she could have killed her.

"What the hell is going on?" He yelled over the noise, aiming the question more at Santana. "Tell me now!"

"Santana just went crazy on me!" Rachel blurted out before Santana could even say anything. "She just started shouting at me and then she began hitting me and I didn't even do anything to her!"

"Okay Santana..." Kurt sighed and turned back round to her.

"Just leave me alone!" Santana yelled, whacking his hand away. "I don't want to talk about it and you shouldn't even bother talking to me either! I'm not worth it, I never will be."

"Don't talk like that," Kurt said sympathetically. "You are worth it."

"Go away," Santana told him and walked off to her room, the door slamming shut behind her.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked Rachel and sighed deeply. Rachel just nodded her head faintly although she had a slight bruise forming. "Are you sure?"

"Fine," Rachel lied to him. She felt slightly sore but she didn't want to cause a fuss.

Santana had to go to work later that evening and Rachel walked into Kurt's bedroom to see him looking up a list of therapists online. She squinted her eyes and pushed the curtain back before sitting on the edge of his bed. The creaking sound made him finally acknowledge her.

"Sorry," he apologised and removed the glasses from his face. He yawned and spun round on his chair, running his hands down his face. "I didn't see you there."

"It's okay," Rachel said quietly. "What are you looking at?"

"Therapists," Kurt admitted. "For Santana. I can't find anyone, they all either specialise in eating disorders, teen pregnancy or grief counselling."

"Well Santana has low self esteem and kind of like PTSD from her past and she doesn't act like any other nineteen year old," Rachel listed. "Are there any for that?"

Kurt managed a smile and shrugged his shoulders. "I can't seem to find anyone, I might ask around at work or something. Don't tell Santana about this though, you know she'll just refuse."

"My lips are sealed," Rachel said and mouthed zipping her lips shut. "What are you doing tomorrow anyway? Isabelle gave you the day off, right?"

"San and I are heading to the mall and then going out for lunch," Kurt told her. "You're at NYADA, right?" Rachel nodded in disappointment and jokingly pouted at him. "Don't look like that," he laughed. "You and I'll go out for lunch another day when San's working. It's only because we both have the day off. She wanted to stay at home and watch films but I managed to convince her to come out with me, that girl just doesn't get out enough."

"Well have fun," Rachel giggled. "When I'll be working my butt off in dance class."

"I will think of you Rach," Kurt called as Rachel walked out.

* * *

"This top will look good on you," Kurt said as he picked up a blue t-shirt and held it up against Santana. Santana just stood with her arms crossed, clearly not in the mood for shopping. She was wearing designer jeans, a blouse and ankle boots and she had her hair curled and hanging loosely around her shoulders. Kurt raised an eyebrow and immediately put the shirt back. "Guess not then, huh? You usually love shopping, what's the matter with you?"

"I just didn't want to come," Santana said, running her hand along a whole rack of dresses. "And you know that. You were the one who roped me into this stupid shopping trip."

"I just thought it'd be nice if the two of us shop and have lunch, that's all," he said. "But if you want to go home then fine, we can do that."

"Good," Santana said and headed straight for the door.

"San, wait!" Kurt called and raced after her. "Um...can...can we talk about what happened between you and Rachel yesterday? I know that you do tend to argue sometimes but that was not arguing, that was full on fist fight accept it was only you doing the fighting."

"She was annoying me," Santana said casually and folded her arms across her chest. "Okay, are we done here?"

"Santana, don't get all defensive just because you don't like what I'm saying," Kurt said and followed as soon as she started to walk away. "You're physically abusing Rachel, do you know that?"

"No I'm not," Santana pointed out.

"I'm sorry but what you're doing is abuse," Kurt said. "I know what it looks like. Rachel is coming out in bruises because of you."

"It's not my fault that she bruises like a peach," Santana muttered under her breath.

"Can I just ask you?" Kurt questioned, placing a hand on her shoulder so she wouldn't keep walking. "Do you realise that you're doing it?" Santana faintly nodded her head and looked down at the floor. "Why do you do it then? There must be a reason."

"I...I'm just jealous, I guess," she confessed quietly.

"Why?"

"Because Rachel is doing so well with her life," Santana said. "She's got a new boyfriend, she's doing well at NYADA, she's even going out and auditioning for broadway plays and there is me working in a diner. I just feel like I'm not getting anywhere in life and it makes me feel completely crap and useless. I'm jealous and feeling sorry for myself so I take it out on Rachel."

"Your time will come," Kurt comforted her. "You won't be working in the diner for the rest of your life sweetie, Rachel's time just came sooner that's all but soon yours will come and you'll be happier than you've ever been."

"Whatever," she mumbled and shrugged her shoulders. "I'm sorry, okay? I just feel like absolute shit, honestly."

"It's okay to feel shit," Kurt joked and laughed. "Just don't take it out on Rachel, alright? She doesn't deserve it and I know it upsets you as well."

"Sure, can we head home now though?" Santana asked. "I'm kind of tired, I just want to relax."

"That's alright, we've not had lunch yet so how about we ditch the whole eating out thing and order a pizza when we get back?" Kurt suggested. "Sound good?"

"Yeah," Santana laughed and nodded. "Sounds good."


	4. Chapter Three: Only Hope

**Doodle91xxx: Yeah I do feel sorry for Rachel but I also feel sorry for Santana. At least Kurt's there for them both :)**

**Alyss: Aww thank you, I am trying to get out of my comfort zone and improve my writing. I want to try and finish my book this year and publish next year so I'm practicing as much as I can :)**

Chapter Three: Only Hope

"I'm coming!" Santana yelled as she tied her hair up into a high ponytail. The person continued to knock on the door. Rachel had already left for NYADA and Kurt was in the bathroom, unable to hear the loud hammering. Santana sighed and stepped over one of Rachel's boring broadway magazines as she made her way to the door. Sliding it open, she saw Isabelle Wright standing there. "Um...hey, Kurt isn't back at work until tomorrow. That's what he said anyway."

"I know, you must be Santana," the woman said and let herself in. "Is Kurt in at all? I have something to talk to him about."

"He's brushing his teeth," Santana said and folded her arms across her chest, just as Kurt came out of the bathroom wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "And she didn't even ask to come in Kurt."

"Santana stop, that's my boss," Kurt hissed at her and looked towards Isabelle. "Is everything alright? Do you need me in today?"

She shook her head. "No, I don't but I have something to tell you. Are we able to go somewhere private?" She asked.

"Sure."

"I'll have probably gone to work by the time you've finished," Santana told Kurt. "So I'll see you later."

"Okay hug first," Kurt said and walked over to Santana with his arms outstretched. Santana hated hugging and even one of them caused her to flip out but this time she just rolled her eyes and let Kurt hug her. "Cheer up, have a good day." She faintly nodded her head as Kurt and Isabelle walked into his bedroom. "What's up?" He asked.

"Were you thinking of sending Santana to a therapist at all?" Isabelle whispered as quietly as she possibly could in case Santana heard them.

"Sending?" Kurt chuckled. "It sounds as if she's a child but yes Rachel and I were looking into it. Why?"

"Well I have this friend called Amy who is a therapist and I told her about Santana's situation and what you had told me," Isabelle informed her. "And she is willing to do a session or two with Santana. She's quite young, she's thirty two years old and she is absolutely lovely. She's been my friend for years."

"Wow Isabelle, that'd be great," Kurt said, leaning back against his desk. "And she's really willing to talk to Santana, is she?"

"Indeed, I have her cell phone number here for you," she said and took a piece of paper out of her pocket handing it to Kurt. "So if you're interested, just give her a ring. She's so nice, I think you'll like her and I think Santana will warm to her."

"Thanks," he thanked her. "But Santana hates talking about her feelings to anyone, let alone some stranger. This is why Rachel and I were hesitant at first."

"Amy's different," Isabelle said. "She mainly deals with the young people, she understands them and helps them in ways other therapists don't. I think Santana will like her so just think about it. Yeah?"

"Thanks," he thanked her once more. "That means a lot, I appreciate it."

"Now I better head off to the office so enjoy your day off," she said and hugged him. "And I will see you tomorrow. Let me know if you ring Amy and how it goes."

Kurt promised her that he would and saw her out of the apartment. By now, Santana had headed off to work so he was alone. It was meant to be the two of them and they'd planned another movie day but Gunther had asked Santana in to work last minute and he wasn't taking no for an answer. He decided that he'd just shove one of his box sets on and spend the day alone with that but as soon as he sat down, he decided to maybe give Amy a call. He fished the number out of his pocket and dialled it on his cell phone before pressing it to his ear.

"Hello, Amy Wellards speaking," a woman's voice said.

"Hello," Kurt sighed, not quite sure what to say to her. "Um...This is Kurt Hummel. I'm a colleague and friend of Isabelle's."

"Kurt!" Amy said enthusiastically down the phone. "Isabelle told me about you, how are you?"

"I'm okay thanks," Kurt said. "Yourself?"

"I'm fine," Amy said. "Are you ringing about your friend?"

"Yeah I am," Kurt sighed. "But listen, she's probably not like any of your other patients. She isn't willing to talk or get help or anything. I haven't even spoken to her about this because of how she'd react."

"Okay..." Amy said. "Well why do you think your friend needs therapy then Kurt? What's her name?"

"Santana Lopez," Kurt told her. "She's nineteen and since she was very young she's been abused by her stepdad. She was fine at school but recently she's been getting very angry and upset, not wanting to leave the house and she's even been abusing Rachel who is our other roommate. It's just kind of getting out of hand and the only way I can control Santana is to try and restrain her."

"Right, I see," Amy said. "I have a slot free at ten o'clock tomorrow morning if you'd like to come in. I work from home so I can give you the address. Would that be okay?"

"Well I'm actually back at work but I'm sure Isabelle would understand so let's say ten o'clock yeah?" Kurt said to her. "Now to break it to Santana," he laughed.

"My sessions also last for two hours," Amy continued. "Would that be okay?"

"Yeah that is absolutely fine," Kurt said.

Amy gave him her address and he wrote it down on a bit of paper so he wouldn't forget it. They talked for a bit longer before Kurt hung up and sat back to think about how he'd break the news to Santana.

* * *

"I'm not going in!" Santana screamed as Kurt dragged her through the front door and into the hallway. "Let me go!" He had tight hold of her arms and she was screaming and struggling to get away, even resorting to biting him on the arm.

"Good morning," Amy greeted and held her hand out to Kurt. "You must be Kurt. Is this Santana?"

"I told you she wasn't like other patients," Kurt said as Santana threw herself on the floor, continuing to scream. "As well as other girls her age. Look Santana, you have a day off work to come here so be grateful."

"Day off work, huh?" Amy asked, trying to comfort the girl. "That's good. Have you got anything planned for this afternoon?"

"Nothing apart from a small trip to the supermarket, something Santana doesn't know about yet," Kurt laughed.

"Don't you like doing the grocery shopping?" Amy asked Santana but she just kept screaming. "Would either of you like a drink?"

"Just a glass of water for me thanks," Kurt said and nudged Santana who was just knelt in front of him, her screams and tears subsiding. "Sweetie, would you like a drink?" But Santana just shook her head.

"If you'd like to take a seat in the living room, it's just through that door," Amy said and gestured through the door. "I'll be right back with your water." Kurt nodded and lifted Santana up from the floor by her arms. "Come on, it won't be that bad I promise."

As soon as they were inside, Santana lunged for the door but Amy stopped her.

"Hold it," she laughed and handed the glass of water to Kurt before shutting the door so Santana couldn't get out. "Will I need to put a lock on this door every time you come?" She joked.

"You're not funny," Santana said and kicked the side of the couch.

"Come on, sit down," Kurt encouraged. He placed his drink on the little table next to him and sat Santana down next to him. "And don't go taking it out on Amy's furniture."

"Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself hmm?" Amy asked Santana but Santana was determined to be awkward and stay silent. She said nothing. "What you like to do in your spare time, where you work, what you want to do in the future. Stuff like that."

Silence.

"Santana, don't be awkward," Kurt whispered. "Just answer the questions."

"Isn't it meant to be therapy?" Santana asked, moving away from Kurt's comfort. "Shouldn't you be asking me therapy type questions?"

"I like to get to know my patients first," Amy said with a smile.

Santana stood up without any warning and ran straight for the door. She opened it up and rushed out and Kurt immediately followed, grabbing hold of her before she could leave the house completely.

"Sorry," Kurt apologised as Amy walked out after him.

"Let me go!" Santana screamed, kicking at the door. "Let me go! Maybe we should leave today?"

Amy shook her head and placed a hand on her hip. "Not going to happen Kurt. If you leave today then she won't want to come back any other day, will she? She needs to learn to trust me and in time she will."

"Get off me," Santana whimpered, trying to remove Kurt's hands from her waist. "Get off."

"Come back into the living room Santana," Amy encouraged her. "We can take things easy, alright? You don't have to fear coming here though, I'm not going to push you to say anything that you don't want me to and Kurt is going to sit in with us but you'll be fine."

"I just want to go home," Santana whispered.

"Two hours will fly by," Amy promised her. "But how about you come back into the living room and we can continue our session? Ten minutes has already gone and you don't have to talk if you don't want to but listen to what I have to say. Okay?"

"Okay," Santana whispered and nodded her head. She fell limp in Kurt's arms and Kurt soon trusted her enough to let go. He smiled and mouthed a small thank you at Amy as they headed back into the living room.


	5. Chapter Four: The Struggles

**Doodle91xxx: Haha I just had so many ideas and I'm incredibly impatient so I couldn't wait. I love your reviews, they always make me smile and you're such a loyal reader and reviewer so thank you for that**. **I say this every time but I also love our chats to each other. I talk to you and trust you way more than the friends I actually see and know in person :)**

**IlovesMesomeGlee: She is exactly what Santana needs. I love Kurt :)**

**Wausie: Thank you and it reminded me of that as well. I used to see a therapist. I only saw her for six weeks because I didn't really like her, honestly I would have loved to have seen someone like Amy so whenever I have to write a therapist I write her nice, sweet and kind of like how I'm writing Amy (everything my therapist wasn't) lol :)**

**Alyss: Kurt and Santana relationship is cute and there will be loads of Amy in this story :)**

Chapter Four: The Struggles

"Now, what did I say we'd do if you came to this session without any screaming or crying?" Kurt sighed as he and Santana arrived outside Amy's house. Santana was doing well so far, she'd made it to the house without any fuss. It was just getting inside that was the problem. "Santana, what did I say?"

"That we'd go shopping and then out for lunch," Santana whispered.

"Exactly," Kurt said and knocked on the front door. "So behave, it's the second session and I know that it will take some time to get used to it but you will do eventually."

The door opened and a ten year old girl answered.

"Do we have the right house?" Santana asked.

"I'm Lizzie," the girl said. "I'm ten. Are you here to see my mommy?"

"Um..." Kurt stuttered.

"You have really beautiful hair," Lizzie told Santana who managed a small smile.

"Lizzie! I've got it!" Amy's voice called as she walked over and scooted the ten year old away. "Thanks princess but you go to your room and play now, alright?" Lizzie nodded and took one more look at Kurt and Santana before rushing up the stairs to her bedroom.

"I didn't know you had a daughter," Kurt said stepping into the house. Amy noticed straight away that he was trying to put on a brave face. "She's sweet," he said, wiping his eyes a little.

"She can be trouble," Amy said and shut the door. "How are you?" She asked Santana but got no response. "Is everything okay?" Kurt faintly nodded his head, beginning to cry. "Okay," Amy sighed. "Santana, can I trust you enough to go and sit in the living room for me whilst I have a quick word with Kurt? There are some books in there so just read one of those if you like. Would you like a drink?"

Santana shook her head and leant against the doorframe of the living room.

"Okay, we'll be back in a minute," Amy said. "Come on," she whispered to Kurt and led him through to the kitchen. "What's up?" She asked and shut the door.

"I'm fine," Kurt lied to her. "Look, this is Santana's session so can we just go back in there and focus on her please?"

"I would but you're clearly upset," Amy said. "What's the matter?"

"I am just finding it so hard," Kurt confessed. "Dealing with San I mean. She literally gets so bad that she throws herself down on the floor screaming. Rachel is way too scared of her so I'm the one having to restrain her and calm her down and she's got to the point of hating who she is, her self esteem has become proper low. Then there's that thing with Rachel, she's getting hurt by San almost everyday and...I...I'm struggling to help them both in separate ways. I just can't do it anymore."

"I know you want to help Santana," Amy said. "And Rachel too but you need to take a breather and take some time to yourself Kurt, you need to take care of yourself so you don't make yourself ill."

Kurt nodded. "It's just hard," he managed and wiped his tears.

"I know," she said. "But it'll get better. This therapy will eventually help San and I think she behaves this way because of a) what happened with her in the past. Violence is all she knows and b) because of how low her self esteem is."

"Yeah," he whispered. "Thanks Amy. Thanks for the chat but can we go back into San now?"

"Sure," she agreed. "Are you okay now?" Kurt nodded. "Also from now on, when San comes to her sessions I want you to have a drink okay? She needs to try and be comfortable during these sessions and if we both have a drink she'll probably have one and become more comfortable so what do you want?"

"That's fine," he laughed. "And I could murder a cup of tea."

"No problem."

Amy got her and Kurt a drink and took them into the living room with Kurt following.

"What's that?" Santana asked, looking at the drink in Kurt's hands.

"Lemon and ginger flavoured tea," Kurt told her and took a sip as he sat down on the couch. "Why?"

"It smells nice," Santana said.

"I could make you one if you'd like Santana," Amy said and subtly winked at Kurt. "Would you like one?" But Santana remained awkward and shook her head even though it was pretty obvious that she wanted a drink. "Santana, you can be comfortable here you know? I want you to enjoy coming to my sessions. I have some worksheets for you to do today."

Santana sat upright as Amy handed her the sheets and a pen.

"So I want you to circle the emotions you feel today, then answer the questions so the first question would be what was the last compliment said to you and who said it."

"I don't know," she mumbled and shrugged her shoulders.

"I do," Kurt said and blew on his tea to cool it.

"I do as well, I think I overheard it when I came to the door," Amy said, smiling at Santana but Santana couldn't think. "You know it Santana. I think that your problem is just remembering the good things said about you which is quite common for girls like you."

"I said I don't know," she snapped angrily. "No one gives me compliments."

"Can I help her?" Kurt asked and Amy nodded, allowing him to help seeing as it was only Santana's second session. "Santana, you know when Lizzie opened the door for us earlier?"

"Yeah."

"What did she say to you?" Kurt asked.

"She said that she was ten," Santana said and shrugged her shoulders once again. "I don't know!"

"Don't get irritated, I'm trying to help," Kurt said. "What did Lizzie say to you? She said..." He waited for Santana to tell him. "She said something about your hair, didn't she?" Still nothing. "Didn't she say that you had beautiful hair?"

Santana nodded. "Yeah she did."

"Remember now?" He asked and she nodded, writing it down.

"See?" Amy said. "You do know it Santana, you just struggle to remember so I want you to try and work on that question every day with Kurt alright?"

"What if I don't get any compliments that day?" Santana asked.

"I'm sure you will," Kurt said. "So are we going to work on that question every single day for Amy?" Santana sighed and nodded her head, looking down at the floor. "Good girl."

"Can I use the bathroom?" Santana asked.

"Of course, do you know where it is?" Amy asked but Santana shook her head. "Upstairs and it's the first door on the left," Amy told her. Santana handed her pen and worksheets to Kurt before leaving.

"Will she be okay alone?" Kurt asked. "She may try and make a run for it."

"I can watch her from here," Amy said from her armchair. "I'll get up if I see her head for the front door."

"Amy?" Kurt asked. "Thanks for earlier."

"No problem," Amy said with a smile.

"I'm glad that Isabelle recommended you," Kurt said. "I can tell that you're going to be really good for Santana, she needs someone like you to talk to."


	6. Chapter Five: Feeling Blue

**Doodle91xxx: I thought so, I love Lizzie haha. Yeah I feel sorry for Kurt but hopefully things will get better for him :)**

**Wausie: Yeah Amy does seem cool, thanks for reviewing :)**

**Guest: It would be :)**

**This chapter is kind of based on how I've been feeling lately. I'm unable to find a job and I don't really know what I want to do in the future and stuff so I've been feeling slightly down. Writing always cheers me up ****though, hence why I updated three times yesterday haha. **

Chapter Five: Feeling Blue

"Rachel, Rachel!"

Rachel snapped out of her trance and suddenly realised that Kurt had been talking to her for the past five minutes. She held onto her warm mug of steaming coffee and stared up at him. He shrugged his shoulders and gave her a look as if to ask 'when the hell are you going to answer my question?'

"Sorry, did you say something?" She asked in a quiet voice.

He sighed heavily. "I asked if you were okay, you were just kind of staring at the blank TV screen and you've gone all pale in the face."

"I'm fine," she lied.

"Are you sure?" He asked as Santana walked out of her bedroom, dressed and ready for the day. "Hey sweetie, are we going to do that homework from Amy in a minute?" Santana just shrugged and walked over.

"You okay?" She asked, rubbing Rachel's shoulder and the brunette nodded at her faintly. "You don't seem yourself."

"That's what I told her," Kurt said. "But she told me she's fine. You look nice today San. New jacket?"

"Fairly new," Santana said with a nod. "I ordered it online, it only came a couple of days ago when you were at work. It's so warm as well, I love it."

"You and your clothes," Kurt joked and shook his head.

"What work do you need to do for Amy then?" Rachel asked Santana, hoping to take the attention off of her a little bit. "Anything I can help with at all?"

"It's just some self esteem work," Santana sighed. "Questions like how are you feeling today and what makes you low. Amy thinks I have low self esteem which is total bullcrap if you ask me."

"Santana, you proved that you have low self esteem by telling me that you feel like you're not getting anywhere in life," Kurt reminded her. "And you struggled to think of the last nice thing said to you. We need to work on that question by the way."

"Okay mom," Santana laughed and Kurt slapped her playfully on the arm. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry," she giggled. "I'll go and get Amy's work." Kurt nodded and sat down beside Rachel. Santana soon came back and sat down with the worksheets on the coffee table. "Okay circle the emotions, I feel alright today."

"Do you?" Kurt asked and Santana nodded honestly. "Okay then, circle how you feel as long as it's the truth."

Santana rolled her eyes at him and circled the word happy. "This is stupid," she said. "I feel stupid having to do these."

"It isn't stupid," Rachel said and sipped at her coffee. "I had to do stuff like that once."

"When was that?" Kurt asked her.

"When I first started at the school and was being bullied," Rachel confessed. "I had regular sessions with Miss Pillsbury and she had me do some bits like that."

"I never knew that," Kurt said. "See San, Rachel's done it before. What's the next part?"

"The stupid famous question, what was the last nice thing said to you and who said it," Santana said and looked at her two friends.

"Well that's easy," Rachel said but clearly it didn't seem easy for Santana. The Latina sighed, slammed her pen down and leant back against the couch. "Isn't it?" Rachel asked, glancing towards Kurt but Santana just stood up, kicked the coffee table and headed off to her bedroom. "What did I say?"

"Nothing Rach," Kurt sighed deeply. "I'll go and talk to her. She's just still trying to get used to these therapy sessions and she's struggling a little at the moment."

"Sorry," she apologised.

"It's alright. She just doesn't know what she wants to do in life and I think it's getting to her a little," Kurt said. "I'll go and talk to her," he repeated and headed off to Santana's bedroom. Santana was just sat on her bed, reading a book. "Are you okay?" He asked and sat down on the edge of her bed, opposite her.

"Yeah," she whispered. "I'm fine."

"You know that question isn't that hard if you really think about it," Kurt said. "The last compliment said to you, I told you that you looked really nice today." Santana nodded, holding back her tears. "Hey it's okay, do you remember the compliments Santana and just feel scared to write them or do you really not remember the good things said to you?"

"I really can't remember," she choked out. "I do try, it's hard."

"Well that is what Amy's for," he told her. "She's there to help you, help you overcome these horrible feelings that you get."

"I'm just feeling down today, I guess. I may have told a little white lie when I said I was feeling alright and circled the word happy," she said. "I woke up like it and I don't even know why."

"I knew you were. You may get those days and I know that you hate going to your therapy sessions but Amy has said that we could always ring her and if she's free she might make you a last minute appointment. Do you want me to see if she's free this afternoon?" He offered.

She shook her head. "No thanks, I'll be okay."

"Are you sure? Because I can easily call her," he suggested but Santana shook her head. She'd made up her mind. "Alright, do you want to give Amy's work a break now? I don't want to overpower you."

"Yeah, I might read my book for a bit," she said and Kurt nodded, getting up from the bed. "Is Rachel alright?"

"Not sure." He shrugged his shoulders. "She won't really talk to me about it."

"Is it me?" She asked. "I mean from um...hitting her and um...stuff?"

"No, you haven't done that in a while San," he said. "And well done for that by the way, she's probably stressed from NYADA or something but it is certainly not you. She'll open up when she's ready."

Santana nodded.

"See you later, yeah?" Kurt said and rubbed her knee. "Come out when you're ready." Kurt left her room and shut the door behind her. He glanced over towards the couch and saw that Rachel was curled up fast asleep on the couch. Smiling to himself and draping a blanket over her, he headed into his own bedroom.


	7. Chapter Six: Secrets and Lies

**Doodle91xxx: I'd love a friendship like that as well. It'll be amazing :)**

**Alyss: You'll find out in this chapter and I'm glad that you like Santana in this. Honestly, I was a bit nervous on how people would react to it lol. San and Rachel moment is in this chapter as well :)**

**Wausie: You are welcome :)**

**Hey guys, I have been offered a full time job now working Monday to Friday so I won't have as much time as I usually do to update I'm afraid but I will try to when I can :) **

Chapter Six: Secrets and Lies

"Hey, where have you been?" Rachel asked as Santana walked through the door later that afternoon. Rachel was sat on the couch with a mug of coffee and a magazine.

"Therapy," Santana sighed and slipped off her coat before hanging it up. "Kurt had to work today and he actually trusted me to go on my own which was good."

"How'd it go?" Rachel asked as she started reading her magazine again. "I sent you a text earlier but you never replied."

"Oh it um...went alright," Santana stammered and folded her arms across her chest. "And yeah I...I turned my cell off during the session, I must have forgotten to turn it back on. Are you okay?" Santana asked and sat down next to Rachel.

Rachel faintly nodded her head but didn't look Santana in the eye. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Okay," Santana said and looked around the apartment. "Now that we're alone, am I able to talk to you about what I found in the trash underneath wads of tissue paper and used cotton swabs which if Lady Hummel has really been a lady all these years, could have only been yours?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Rachel lied, choking up a little.

"Rachel come on," Santana encouraged her. "We may have had our problems in the past but I'm your friend and you can trust me. Are you really not going to talk to me about this pregnancy test?" Rachel glanced across at Santana and suddenly broke down in tears, falling straight into Santana's arms. "Oh god," Santana whispered as she held the brunette close to her. "Rach."

"You had no right," Rachel sobbed into Santana's chest.

"It's okay," Santana comforted. "It's okay, you're going to be okay."

Once Rachel had calmed down enough and once Santana had made her a fresh cup of coffee, the two of them sat back down on the couch and Santana asked the question that she'd been longing to ask.

"Who's the father?"

"Don't," Rachel muttered under her breath. "Please don't Santana."

"Look," Santana sighed heavily and sat back against the back of the couch. "You're upset and you have a problem..."

"I am not the one with problems here Santana!" Rachel snapped, wanting to just change the subject. "I am not the one who needs fucking restraining, who needs to go to therapy sessions at least three times a week!"

Santana hung her head.

"Sorry," Rachel apologised quietly and rested her head on Santana's shoulder. "And I don't know. Brody...I think. I um...I slept with Finn at the wedding though."

"What are you going to do?" Santana asked.

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. I mean, I...I have my Funny Girl audition don't I? I can't have a baby, not yet anyway."

"Well...you only took the one test right?" Santana questioned her and Rachel nodded her head faintly. "Then you might not even be pregnant, it could have been a false positive. Why did you take it in the first place?"

"My period was late," Rachel admitted.

"Well that could be from stress," Santana pointed out. "We'll make a doctor's appointment, yeah? I'll come with you."

"Thank you," Rachel thanked her with a smile. "I've never seen this side of you before. Don't tell Kurt though, yeah?"

"I won't," Santana promised.

As if on queue, the door opened and Kurt walked into the apartment. "Ah," he said, shutting it behind him before pointing at Santana. "Just the person I was looking for. I trusted you."

"What's he talking about?" Rachel asked Santana, removing her head from her shoulder.

"Why the hell did I get a phone call from Amy saying that you never showed up for your therapy session? And she tried to ring your cell but it was coincidentally switched off!" He yelled, leaning back against the TV so he was facing the two girls.

"What?" Rachel squealed. "Santana! You said you'd gone!"

"What is this?" Santana defended. "Gang up on Santana day or something? Back off me, alright?"

"Don't you dare become the victim here Santana," Kurt said angrily. "You deserve me yelling at you, why didn't you go to your appointment? You promised me that you would go which is why I didn't cancel today so why didn't you go?"

Santana stood up and shouted, "because I didn't fucking want to, that's why! I hate it, I don't see the point in it! No one is going to be able to help me so what's the point? I'm pathetic, I'm a loser and I can't do anything right so I am not going to waste my time doing something that is pointless."

Rachel sighed. "Santana you need to go to your therapy sessions," she said. "They are going to help you. It might not seem like it now but it will, you have a long road ahead of you but it will work out for you."

"I don't want to hear it because I know it won't," Santana said.

"Santana," Kurt sighed deeply. "You have to go to your therapy sessions. Please, do not throw this opportunity away. I've booked you another one for tomorrow and I will be going with you this time because it is clear that I cannot trust you. Amy was really worried about you today. She thought that something had happened to you so you'll probably be getting a telling off from her as well."

"Whatever," Santana mumbled. "I'm not going."

"You are," Kurt ordered. "Even if I have to drag you there myself."

"Fine," Santana whispered quietly and headed off to her bedroom for some alone time.

**So guys! Who watched "Old Dog, New Tricks!" I absolutely adored it. Chris Colfer should write more episodes :)**


	8. Chapter Seven: The Doctor's Office

**Doodle91xxx: Yeah there's no getting round Kurt haha. I can picture San just refusing to go though lol :)**

**Holdonandstaystrong: So do I! She's adorable and Amy is amazing, I'm glad that people have liked how I've written her :)**

**Sorry it's taken a while to update guys. I have a new job now and it's full time. I've also started dating this guy and I'm currently writing a novel so I've been busy. I hope you all understand that updates will be a lot slower now but I will try to update when I can :)**

**Thank you.**

Chapter Seven: The Doctor's Office

"Santana, I was so worried about you yesterday," Amy said as Santana sat in a chair opposite her with Kurt sitting beside her. "I thought something had happened. Why didn't you come?" Santana just shrugged her shoulders in silence. "Well you could have at least answered my calls. I'm guessing that Kurt will be coming with you to every single session from now on?"

"Yes," Kurt spoke for Santana and nodded his head. "I will be, believe me."

"Just leave me alone," Santana groaned and glanced at her watch subtly. She'd promised Rachel that she'd go to a doctor's appointment with her that day to find out if she was pregnant or not so she really hoped that they were done in time. "When will we be done?"

"Santana, don't be rude," Kurt hissed and nudged her arm.

"Half an hour left," Amy promised her. "And if you fill out one very quick worksheet for me without any complaints then I may let you leave in ten minutes. Deal?"

"Deal," Santana said and took the worksheet and a pen from her before getting straight to filling it out.

* * *

"Are you okay?" Santana asked Rachel as the two of them sat in the waiting room at the doctor's. Rachel faintly nodded her head as she held a magazine in her hands. She wasn't actually reading it. Santana noticed that she'd been staring at the same page for almost fifteen minutes. "Don't worry about Kurt. I just told him that you'd had a bit of a sore throat and wasn't feeling too well so I was taking you to get checked out. He believed the story."

"I'm not worried about Kurt," Rachel said quietly, eventually closing the magazine and placing it back on the coffee table.

"What are you worried about?"

"What do you thinK?" Rachel fake laughed and shrugged her shoulders. "What if I really am pregnant? What the hell am I going to do Santana? I cannot look after a baby."

"Stop jumping to conclusions," Santana said. "You might not be and if you are, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Alright?"

"Rachel Berry!" A doctor called, exiting his office.

"Would you like me to come in with you?" Santana offered kindly.

Rachel shook her head and stood up. "No," she sighed before walking away towards the doctor. "This is something that I need to do on my own."

Santana sat back in her seat and waited patiently for Rachel to be finished. She sipped slowly at a glass of water, skimmed through three or four magazines and even had a small play with the children's lego that someone had left on the empty seat next to her. Soon Rachel was done.

"Well?" Santana asked and stood up from her seat, folding her arms across her chest.

"False alarm," Rachel said with a smile and wrapped her arms round Santana. "God thank you so much for coming with me today. I would have never been able to come on my own. Thank you. Right, we best get home because I have work later."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Santana calmed her and stopped her from walking out of the hospital. "You can't just ignore all of this."

"Why not?" Rachel asked. "I'm not pregnant, the doctor just confirmed it."

"That's not the point Rachel," Santana said. "You need to take this as an opportunity to think about your future, think about what you are going to do. Besides, you also need to rest up."

"And why do I need to rest up?" Rachel laughed.

"Because you have just had a pregnancy scare," Santana chuckled. "It must have been a shock, come on. We'll get home and microwave some popcorn or something."

"What are we going to tell Kurt?" Rachel asked whilst they made their way out of the hospital.

"Well do you want to tell him about the scare?" Santana asked.

Rachel shook her head.

"There is your answer then," Santana continued. "Just say that...the doctor said it's no big deal and you seem fine but just to rest okay?"

"Okay," Rachel said. "Think he'll buy it?"

"He buys anything," Santana laughed. "Don't worry about it, you worry too much Rach."

"I know," she agreed. "So, how was therapy this morning?"

"It was good," Santana lied through her teeth. "I just don't really like going and Kurt and Amy were both mad at me for missing yesterday. It was good though, I guess."

"You'll get used to it," Rachel reassured her. "It'll take time but Amy is absolutely lovely, I think she's good for you to talk to."

"She is really nice," Santana agreed with her. "How about picking up a film on the way back? The movie store is just across the street."

"Sure but on one condition," Rachel said. "I get to pick the movie!"

"Deal," Santana laughed and wrapped an arm round her as they walked away.


End file.
